i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
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OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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