I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
