I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You are a genius and a whore.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
