You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
