Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
