i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
