dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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