do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize