Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My vagina just clenched in fear
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