Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
