I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
