I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
