All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
