U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Text me some of your sweat
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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