Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
