I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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