True but thats because hes a fetus.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
