There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
