Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
