I'm so fucking centered right now
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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