"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
