I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
