my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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