im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
