so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
