For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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