): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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