i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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