he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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