i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
