I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
