Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
