hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
