By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
