apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
high people should be assigned attendants
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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