did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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