She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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