Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
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sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.