he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Congratulations! We have a period
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
