1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue