I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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