1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
