Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
