I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
