i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
