ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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