our cab driver is having phone sex.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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