I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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