sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
