Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
