Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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