i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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