you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
