dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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