she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
