She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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