My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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