i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
