he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
