i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
