I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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