Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
