Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Boobs speak an international language.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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