i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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