I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
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Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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