i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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