i permit you to call me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
