We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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