home. puking in laundry basket.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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