had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have feelings that need drinking.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
